Pay attention - new VW Passat is super smooth

How many times have I told my boy to pay attention? I’ve lost count.

He’s a teenager so has an excuse. His frontal lobes should be kicking in sometime over the next decade, I’m told, but what’s my excuse?

I’m in the supermarket multi-storey car park and I can’t find the test car. In my defence is has just arrived but I’ve not taken notice of either the colour or the shape as I dash inside to use the loo after a long journey.

Oh no. I’ve been here before. It once took me 40 minutes to find my car at the Birmingham Car Show among the countless other silver Japanese saloons that were parked there.

Right, let’s break it down. I’m in the new VW Passat and I think I’m in that row over there – nothing.

I still can’t remember the colour but we all know what Passats look like, let’s face it they’ve been around since 1973.

The problem this time is that it’s had a right proper and thorough revamp so it doesn’t look like a normal Passat.

It’s gone super smooth, in fact its drag coefficient, if you are interested in aerodynamics, is just 0.25.

Trust me, that’s low. If you tried to shelter behind one in a gale you would get blown away.

Starting to panic now, perhaps it has been stolen. It is new, desirable, and this particular example is specced to almost £60,000, so it’s worth pinching.

Then, suddenly, in a line of cars some distance away I notice a chili red VW illuminating a greeting, headlamps and frontal light bar shining my way, seemingly saying, ‘I’m here you fool, I’m here’. The car’s proximity technology has detected the key in my pocket and we are reunited.

This time I take the opportunity to have a look round the latest and certainly the best Passat ever built.

It’s red and does look different, it certainly appears smoother and wind-cheating by design. It’s also an estate car with a corresponding lightbar right across the back, in red this time. Large alloys complete the package which overall is smart and eye-catching. Big tick for VW.

Back inside, the new interior is excellent too. Swathes of touchscreen tech and a virtual dash, but intuitive and easy to operate. This is an R-Line spec so wants for nothing. I won’t list everything as it will read like a brochure but I couldn’t find anything missing.

The last time I had a Passat I took it on the Great North Road and once again I find myself crawling along the A1. It’s as horrible as it ever was, possibly even worse as traffic is even more prevalent. The Passat, an ultimate workhorse, takes the strain and gets me where I need to be as good as anything on the road.

Coming back is a different matter as heading south at this time of day is far worse – well it is a Friday. So instead I head west, cross country, along some of the most challenging, exhilarating and quiet roads in the country.

Here Passat comes into its own for different reasons. It’s actually a driver’s car, not just a load-lugger. Who knew?

R-Line not only gets amazing sports seats but they come with massage function. My lower back is killing me from being in a car too much this week so I switch it on.

Like Helga the Swedish masseuse the action is startlingly firm, starting at the bottom of the spine and working up my vertebrae with some force. I’m not sure at first but persist and suddenly begin to do a Meg Ryan, ‘yes, yes, yessss,’ that’s the spot. Brilliant.

Now much more comfortable and ploughing through the countryside, it occurs to me how powerful this seemingly modest-on-paper 1.5 litre engine is. That’s because it not only comes with a turbo but also the support of a plug-in hybrid.

Sum total is an incredible 272PS, more than enough for spirited driving. Feather the throttle, though and the electric motor takes over, running constantly for 76 miles or in tandem with the petrol engine when needed. This means that MPG is about a squillion and even when the battery is flat you’ll get 50+.

Chassis is tremendous too with very comfortable, safe, yet agile handling and bags of grip. It really is loving my twisty route home. The brakes need a bit of a push of encouragement but when they bite do a decent job.

Not far from home I spy a couple of backpackers, one of which is waving a £20 note. Could be a kidnap attempt but I risk it.

Turns out they are from Rutland and have missed the last ferry home, leaving them with a 12-mile route march. I’m going past their door so offer them a lift and the first thing they say is ‘ooh, this is posh’. When I consider the remark, yes it is. Passat has morphed into a bit of a bourgeois-mobile and carries the honour well.

It remains an immense load carrier, an awesome workhorse, but has also developed the sophistication and talents of someone from a Swiss finishing school.

It really is a car that will make people pay attention.